On The Road With Johnny B ..The Incredible Bloody Sock Head Story
What do you do when your shopping and you smash your bald head? You become Macgyver.
Let me start by saying no Socks were hurt in the telling of this tale..
Now I’m a creature of habit. I Leave for my soul draining job everyday at 6 a.m. and return home Monday thru Thursday at 7:30 p.m. My only night of peace is Friday when I leave work at 4:30 p.m.Then it’s working on Saturday for my second job hope draining job. Why am I working harder at age 55 then I did at age 25? Thank you multi Trillion Dollar Deficit. That’s a subject for another time.
Part of my routine is to do my Friday night chores. Then settle in for a nice at home dinner, few Martini’s and some History Channel. Yes I'm dull.
The routine is simple. Dollar store, liquor store then to Bravo. I have to say. I love Bravo. It is like an old fashioned grocery store. Like A&P or Bohack of my youth. The best part is they bag to food for you. That bag your own checkout thing at Pathmark gets me crazy. How low on the job food chain have you gotten that you can’t work the register and bag. DUH!! Again a subject for another time.
After a tough week of selling my soul to the devil I was on a mission to get home eat, drink, weep and post dumb things on Facebook. After the Dollar Store I go to my car and load my collection of Made in China products into my trunk.
Having done this 1000’s of times you would think I would not wack my head on the trunk latch but I did. Of course Ford made the trunk latch on a 79 Fairmont sharp enough to cut thru the hull of the Port Jeff Ferry.
Doing this dumb thing cuts a hole in my head like something from Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Being “hair impaired” or having a shaved head only added to carnage.
Even with my head looking like something from the movie Carrie I was going to finish my mission. Being a man I of course would not go for normal medical attention but rather do a MacGyver type fix.
What do you do when you have blood gushing from your head and you are in parking lot with no band aides? Answer: You take off your right sock and use it as a make shift turnicate.
Now I know what you are thnking. “Why didn’t you go to Rite Aid and get a bandage stupid?” Now that would just be too easy wouldn’t it..
With my hand of my Bloody Sock Head off I went to the liquor store. I must have been a sight when I walked in. One sock on my feet and clasping a bloody sock on top of my head. But I was on a mission. So shocked was the nice man behinds the register when I went to pay that he said with his Ghandi like accent.. “Ahhh do you need me to call an ambulance or something”
Next stop was Bravo for food. Why is it when you have a bloody sock on top of your bald head is Bravo filled with hot women ranging from ages 35-55? I managed to do my shopping even though I looked like The Borg from Star Trek.
As I went to pay the manager asked me. “Yo Dude were you in fight or something? Do you want me to call the Police?” Holy Moly like you never seen a man do food shopping with a bloody sock on top of his head.
You will be happy to know I made it home. Bandaged my dome and had I nice meal, martini and watched The History Channel. I really need to get a life..
Oh, I lied. One sock was hurt in the telling of this story.