On The Road with Johnny B ..Pondering What Bigfoot Would Drive and Why Nobody Ever Spots Him In LI

Ok enough..Ahhh. Stop with the stupid Bigfoot stuff. Don't you think that after all these years they would of caught the King Of Back Hair. We can use GPS etc to find a pimple on my ear from Neptune but they can't locate an 9-foot tall Hair-A-Fied Beast.

Did you ever notice that Bigfoot is never spotted walking across The Long Island Expressway or riding on Subway. Also why is every picture blurry? Oh sure no problem taking a crystal clear picture of a Drunk Girl at Spring Break but a clear Bigfoot Pic Nooooo!! Stop waisting money on this crap. Hey did you hear about the new reality show? "Bigfoot and The Loch Ness Monster search for Jimmy Hoffa's grave" Geeezzzz.

To be honest being Italian I had some Uncles that could out back hair any Bigfoot. Maybe Bigfoot is just some guy from Sicily walking through the woods. "Hey Uncle Mario I told you don't walk in the woods with no shirt on"

Some other things are bothering me with Bigfoot. Where is Mrs Bigfoot? You would think Mr Bigfoot would stay home with Mrs Bigfoot and all the Little Bigfoots instead of roaming around the woods posing for blurry photos. Where is the Bigfoot house and where do they go to the bathroom? All these years of Bigfoot sightings and nobody has stepped in Bigfoot poop.

Did any of the science types ever think that Bigfoot does not want to be found. He has a great situation. Goes to work anytime he wants. Eats what he wants. Has his choice of Lady Bigfoots. Pays no taxes and no drive to work with rush hour traffic. You know the "Footster" had an awesome life.

As good as Bigfoot's life is he still needs to get around. I'm sure all the Little Bigfoots by now have I-Pads and are on Facebook so Big Daddy Bigfoot needs to go to Target or Walmart to keep his gaggle of Young-Ins happy.

Bigfoot seems like a "Retro" guy so I can't see him driving a Prius or any other Dull Pod-Mobile would not be to his liking. Yeah Bigfoot is Old School. No Man-Scaping or other New Style things the Reality TV Loving Man would desire. He would also need room for the Bigfoot Family so what would Biggie Foot drive? Hmmm we gotta go with a Classic VW Van. In fact Bigfoot might be considered a Hippie. Bad grooming, no job and kinda smelly. Yep for sure Bigfoot would drive a VW Hippie Van..