On The Road With Johnny B ..Sometimes To Go Forward You Need To Go Back
Those who know me well understand I change my mind a lot. In fact during the writing of that last sentence I changed my mind two times before I wrote it. I don’t change my mind when it comes to people I love, with that I’m steady and unmovable. Go figure. I’m also what could be best described as “Decision Phobic” Those combo of self imposed problems has made for an interesting life of not moving forward or completing normal tasks. The thought of buying clothes sends me into a manic panic resembling being pushed out of a plane. Perhaps this comes from me not getting over past mistakes and beating myself up over bad decisions I made many years ago.
One of the best things I ever did in my life was over 19 years ago moving to Carlisle Pa by the Fairgrounds. It was because of that move I found a lifetime of friends, my Christian spirit, a career in classic car appraisal and a home. All part of God’s plan for my life.
One of the worst things I did in my life was making that same move to Carlisle Pa over 19 years ago. The last year there was a disaster. Getting involved with the wrong people cost me everything and I left there in shame, debt and with my tail between my legs. Even at the worst of those times my true friends in Carlisle stuck by me and never judged. All part of God’s plan for me.
As the years past the hurt got much less and the bitter thoughts of the past became wonderful memories. Funny how time does heal wounds. I made it back to the Carlisle Fairgrounds for every show and somehow made Vintage Auto Appraisal a success and a joy. All part of God’s plan for me.
When you re-visit a place that once was your home you tend to go backwards not forwards in life. Seems like after every Carlisle Show I have grand schemes to move back “Home” again. Spinning the wheel in my mind till it almost goes off the axle. Wasting time and my usual no decision. Indeed Carlisle Home. All the great places to meet and eat, the faces of lifetime friends, the Tree Of Life Church and that oh so wonderful Mecca Of Car-Dom the Carlisle Fairgrounds. All this I pray will continue till I go to that big car show in the sky. Hoping it’s part of God’s plan for me.
Besides my many automotive dreams and trust me there are many I have other dreams and desires for my life. The normal stuff. Love, health and home. Not so normal desire to make a Patina filled old truck my daily driver, find another Triumph TR6 and get back Otto (ugh why did I sell him) or replace him with another crusty ole Bug. The car Dementia never dies..ugh.
Perhaps again not so normal was the dream of a tiny Port Jefferson Apartment over looking the harbor to live the remainder of my days. I oddly achieved that goal but due to some bad luck and poor money management (again) by me I lost that dream.
Frightened and fearing homelessness I put together yet another scatter brain plan to move back to Carlisle. I had a job offer, a place to live (so I thought) and off I went for the Spring Show with a plan to stay in the basement of my ole house. Start the new job and move into a new house. As the saying goes "Tell God your plan so he can laugh". The job was fine but the house was a scam. With that like a rush God placed in my heart "Dust off your shoes, admit your mistakes, go back with your Loved Ones, re-group and get back to Port Jefferson on better terms. Trust me the road back will be froth with hard challenges but this time I'm not going to settle and do what's best for me. Ya see I made a decision.
Knowing my heart better than I do myself, not wanting me to settle yet again and re-do the past my smart Scottish Ex told me a while ago “Hold out. Don't run. You're a Bohemian, slightly eccentric car nut. Not a suburban bore. Ask the universe for it. Believe in your heart you have it. It's there” She as most of the ladies in my life was right.
Hopes and dreams are like a river. All you can do is go with the current. You can look back but you shouldn’t swim against it cause you might drown. Going to go with the current for the rest of my dreams. Where it takes me is a mystery but at least I’m moving forward finally. All part of God’s plan for me